I’ve come to realize that dipping one’s toes back into the dating pool is intimidating at the best of times, but I’ve been finding the process extra difficult recently. Now, for me, this difficulty isn’t due to some crushing emotional instability or fear of a re-broken heart down the road, it’s because my dog is working against me. Although she was initially a wonderful break-up buddy, she has turned a corner recently and I’ve come to realize that she may never want me to date again. I think she’d like the rest of my life to be all about her. Well, I’m onto her now and I will be taking extra measures to make sure she doesn’t ruin my chances in the future.
She first showed her true colors while trying to confiscate a water bottle from an innocent runner on the levee in attempt to get us talking. The only results of that encounter was embarrassment for me and a significantly shortened walk for her. All around fail. Well this past week she took her efforts up a notch.
A friend of a friend was in town and had asked if I wanted to hang out one day, wander the French Quarter, eat some food, etc. “Sure,” I thought, “It can’t hurt, right?” Well turns out this friend of a friend is incredibly good looking. “Yikes,” I thought, “Time to step up my game.” Unfortunately, Pepper thought the same thing.
I told Hot Friend that I had to walk Pepper before I could go out for the day and he offered to join me. A stroll along the Mississippi is always nice and it gave us a chance to admire the view of the Quarter and chat a bit. All in all, it was turning it quite a nice dog walk and then BAM! Pepper strikes!
We first noticed that she was sniffing something very intently ahead in the grass, no big deal, we just kept talking Then she proceed to take a bite of said object, which caught our attention. Then she rolled in it, which is always bad news. Finally, she picked it up in her mouth and we realized whatever creature she had found was long and slimy and very dead. Hot Friend went to investigate (God Bless him…) and determined that the creature was an eel that was missing a few parts and pieces and had not been alive for quite some time. It also stunk to high Heaven!
Hot Friend held Pepper (who, by the way, thought she had struck gold with the discovery of her new pet eel) while I picked up the eel in a plastic bag and tossed it as far as I could in the river. “That’ll take care of that problem,”, I very foolishly thought to myself. We continued on our walk, attempting to pick up conversation where we left off and plan what to eat for lunch (sea food was now not an option). We soon realized that Pepper was no longer walking with us and was fishing around back in the river. “Is she looking for the eel?” Hot Friend asked, a look of slight panic on his face. “Oh, she’ll never find it,” I said, “It’s in about two feet of water!”.
About 30 seconds later, having extracted dead eel from two feet of Mississippi River, Pepper comes sprinting towards up carrying her prize firmly in her mouth. Oh. My. God.
That was the end of that dog walk. Once we got back to my place we spent the next half hour attempting to bathe her in anything we could think off to get the smell of rotting sea creature out of her fur. Shampoo, baking soda, vinegar, dish soap, hydrogen peroxide, nothing I had on hand could even begin to make her smell normal. Short of bleaching my dog, there was no remedy for the stench.
At that point, neither I or Hot Friend had much of an appetite so we settled for a Bloody Mary and tried to forget about what had just happened. To be fair, Hot Friend was quite a trooper about the whole thing and we did end up hanging out for the rest of the day, just no where near my dog.
He did mention he would be in town this weekend and wouldn’t mind meeting up again, but did suggest maybe we should stick to dog walks through the neighborhood as opposed to by the river. I think that’s a fair suggestion. We’ll see how it goes…